On Feeling Good And Wow-worthy About One’s Gift

I don’t know what led me to do a Google search on my name—it seems like such a douchey thing to do.

A while ago, I was deciding on whether or not I should spend today trying to update my personal website, maybe collate some of my old works and put it up there for the world to see.  In between deciding to post a resort review I wrote for a magazine recently and finding out a way of creating a slideshow video of photos J took that I don’t want stolen, I got on Google and searched for my name to see if that particular review has already been posted somewhere by mentioned magazine.

Instead I found an old Xanga blog entry someone wrote wherein she copied an old interview I did (and credited me, praise you).  And let me tell you: I am one of those writers who secretly put in things into their work that are distinctly them—I once was able to prove that a classmate in high school photocopied my entire book report and tried to pass it off as his own because I mentioned a line that I knew nobody else in my class would ever think of using to describe the story’s setting—and it is thanks to that attention to detail that I was able to prove that this person either got my article from me or the people I had interviewed.  Back when I wrote it, online publications weren’t the in thing yet and the only proof I had of it ever being published was the magazine itself.

Anyway, that’s not what prompted me to type this entry.  What made me grin like a buffoon was a lone comment left on that blog entry that simply said “Wow.”  That’s it.  Three letters that summarize someone’s amazement at how well I was able to put strings of words together to make it seem like the reader was right there with me when I conducted the interview.  Three letters that made me want to get off my ass and back into writing about stuff I am passionate about.  Three letters that encapsulate my feeling about the timeliness of this discovery—I’ve been needing a morale boost, and I certainly got it.

Now I am even more motivated to do whatever I can to deserve that ovation.

Of Typhoon Tragedies And Helping In A Miniscule Way

I woke up today in a comfortable bed, buried in warm blankets and soft pillows.  I whined in my head for a bit because my body still felt sore from a rigorous workout J and I did a couple of days ago.  I got up, took a hot shower, fixed myself a small breakfast, and put on a show while I planned my day.

Being an ocean away from my home country, from my loved ones, relatives, and friends that I grew up with, it has become a habit of mine to hit all the social networking sites to see what they are all up to (in fact, I planned to limit my time on Facebook to an hour in the morning from now on, and nothing more).  Instead of browsing through festive family photos or funny Youtube videos, I was greeted by pleas for help, for compassion, for a little concern for the victims of Typhoon Sendong, pegged as one of the deadliest cyclones to enter the Philippines in 12 years.

I woke up today in a comfortable bed, buried in warm blankets and soft pillows, not in a home broken to pieces.  My body felt sore because of exercise, not because I was buried in rubble caused by a landslide.  I had a hot shower and a decent breakfast while many have no clothes, or shelter, or food, or toiletries and medicine.  I had a whole day ahead of me, while others mourned for their losses.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy to make one realize how lucky he or she is.  Sometimes it takes a calamity to wake you up to the reality that life is short and that everything can change in a mere moment.  It makes you humble and grateful that you were spared and given an opportunity to live your life the way you want to….that you were given an opportunity to help and make a difference, no matter how small.

This is a collection of various ways to help the victims of Sendong from anywhere in the Philippines and around the world as well.  I chose to donate through Red Cross Philippines, which accepts all forms of help.  Nothing is too small—if only all my Facebook contacts donated 5 pesos (today, that’s 0.1140 US dollars, not even a quarter!), that’s 6225 pesos (142 US dollars).  That’s enough to provide for a couple of families.  If it is true that there are 25 million Filipinos on Facebook and each one donates 5 pesos to Red Cross, a total of 125 million pesos can be raised for Sendong victims.

Imagine being part of that.

Daily Goals

Here is a list I came up with just now and put on as my desktop wallpaper.  It is a list of things I need to do on a daily basis to gain control of my own inhibitions and insecurities and unleash the incredible, colorful, life monster inside me.

• Exercise.  Get that flat stomach I've always wanted.  No, "huge pusons run in my family" is not a valid excuse.
• Read a random Wikipedia page.  Knowledge is power.
• Listen to a Jason Mraz song and post about it on your other blog.  I know, too many blogs.  So what? :P
• Spend an hour on Google Reader.  Don't let the unread entries pile up to a thousand.
• Share a link or two...or five.  Prove that I am a social networking butterfly.
• Watch your favorite shows and write something about them.  Have something to show for the hours I spend torrenting and watching dramas and comedies.
• Visit websites for inspiration.  Don't be satisfied with an afternoon of just watching shows.  
• Doodle something.  It doesn't have to be spectacular or digitally rendered.  Move those fingers.  Use my Sharpies and prove that it was a good idea to bring them with me.
• Blog whatever's in my mind at the moment.  Don't think about my audience.  Do it for me.

That's it for now.

Blog Catharis And Other Things Inspiring

Over the weekend, J was updating his server and something happened that caused both of our websites to be wiped out.  I was initially disappointed at the idea of having to remember and re-do all the stuff that I have put into mine—posts about our travels which I have not updated in months, doodles that I have made over the past couple of weeks (which I planned to be a daily exercise, but of course, reality happened), and other stuff that I only vaguely remember.

When J tried to access his last backup and found out that none of my new entries were saved, I took it as a sign.  A warning to sustain my own flow of creativity and not let momentum leave my body.  A reminder that there are more important things than doubt.  That waiting for something amazing to magically fall into your lap or inspiration to hit you smack in the face is a complete waste of time.

I am an overflowing vessel of plans, dreams, and whatnot.  I keep saying I want to get back into running shape, but I always find some lame excuse not to go outside—it's too cold, it's too late, I don't have the right attire, I'm sore.  I call myself an artist, but I allow myself to feel insecure about my work and say that my style is outdated, my skills are not good enough, and no one will be interested in what I do.  I call writing my number one passion, but I can't even transform my 6-month old travel notes into engaging blog entries that retell the excitements of my trip around Asia with J, I haven't written a single new poem in years, and I can't bring myself to chronicle my everyday thoughts for fear of boring my readers (including myself) to tears.

The thought of losing the things I know I've worked hard for—even if it's something as small as mere website content—made me panic, I won't deny it.  However, it also made me realize that I had so much to offer, if I only gave myself the chance.  The things that really count won't be wiped out just like that—they're in my head and my heart, only waiting to be utilized and developed.

This is a fresh start—and I've had many in my life—and this time, I vow not to waste it.  I will fulfill my dreams, ambitions, and plans and watch them become bigger.  I will learn to draw inspiration from everything I can get my hands on.  I will punch fear and doubt and boredom in their guts every time they come at me.

I will take life one day at a time, enjoy my time doing things that make me happy, and not worry about the uncertainty tomorrow because I have hope and faith that good things will happen.


And I am going to love it.